Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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