Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
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Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.