sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
