a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!