Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad