When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
