I am spending my child support on dildos
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.