I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS