I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.