So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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