please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
