We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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