she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
