just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
