Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
