White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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