I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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