my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
