I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
