I think i peed on brittanys purse
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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