They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
