dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
