I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I AM VODKA MAN
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
