Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
