im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
