every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
