goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
