i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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