I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
