Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
