I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We're too hungover to prance.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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