I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
