I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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