I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
