dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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