I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
