My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
