I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
