i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
