They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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