weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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