i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
