she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
