I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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