I want to walk on stilts...naked
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
