I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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