she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So. Much. Porn.
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