i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Found your dick twin last night
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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