you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
