Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Watching her eat just hurts me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
