Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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