If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
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Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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