I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
