Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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