How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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