His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
