You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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