I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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