Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
