At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
