so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
