we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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