Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
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