I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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