you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
