Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's official drugs can't kill me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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