you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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