my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
