I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
