so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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