I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
