I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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