Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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