And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
