I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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