I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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