I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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