How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
