This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
