What did we do last night that was yellow?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
