apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
