i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
People in love make me want to vomit
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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