My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
