The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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