Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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