dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
