The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
