I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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