So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
