No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
