also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
